How shall I put this? Hmm… Well, I need to work on my self-esteem. Or is it my self-belief? Or is it my confidence?
According to Wikipedia,
Self-esteem is a term used in psychology to reflect a person’s overall emotional evaluation of his or her own worth. It is a judgment of oneself as well as an attitude toward the self. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs and emotions such as triumph, despair,pride and shame.
so I guess self-esteem is a suitable term for what I need to work on.
I don’t know when exactly did this inferiority complex began, though I’d wager it was long before I even realise what I am feeling has a term specifically set for it. Was it due to the stereotypical Asian parents expectations towards my studies when I was younger? Or the constant reminder that I need to be better? Perhaps I was born this way.
This crushing, gut-wrenching feeling that is ever present, this snide little voice inside my head that constantly jeers at whatever I do and tells me that I’m not good enough and I never would be. How do I make it go away?
I look at others, content and happy with who they are, no matter the shortcomings. Then I look at myself, seeing only my shortcomings and hating myself for it.
Loving yourself is the first step towards loving others. The problem is, I don’t know how to walk that first step. And I’m so afraid I’ll fall flat on my face and will hate myself even more for it.