Today you asked, “How do you do it?”. Truth be told, I don’t really know.
Perhaps it’s just the way I am. I grew up having to protect myself from being hurt, doing everything I can to make sure the wounds don’t cut too deep because I know what can happen when you let people come too near. I know just how hard I can fall when I become too vulnerable.
I tried to kill myself.
It was a bleak, dark period that I do not wish to go back to ever again. And that is why I keep everything and everyone at arm’s length now, never letting anyone too close to fatally wound me. Never letting anyone close enough to really see what is inside. Never giving anyone any chance or excuse to inflict too much pain.
Yes, there have been times I’ve let people in, let them catch a glimpse of what I am really like behind all this tough façade. But time has proven again and again that no one is to be trusted completely and whole-heartedly. And so, just as easily as I’ve let you in, I withdraw back into my protective shell, building back the walls that guard my heart and soul, fortifying my defences.
So, you ask, how did I manage become happy and move on so quickly? Well, I guess my defences are so strong I never really did allow myself to get hurt much after all. It’s just the way I am.