2009

The year 2008.

It’s hard for me to put into words just what 2008 meant to me. It was a year of ups and downs, though more of the latter.

It was the first time I’ve ever left home, the first time I ever had a taste of what total freedom felt like. I could go out in the middle of the night and there would be no one to stop me from doing so. I could never imagine doing that here.

It was a year filled with many frustrations, pain and tears. Many times, I felt like I was stuck in a rut, with no light ahead of me. In times like that, I felt so much despair that I almost wished I could just let go of everything and disappear.

It was a year where I fell out with some of my friends. It was painful, yet inevitable under those circumstances.

It was a year where I found someone who loved me with all his heart. Although we have our fair share of ups and downs, I am glad that he’s always there to stand by me and cheer me up. I know that it would be hard for someone to deal with my demanding nature, what with my spontaneous hissy fits and all. I do hope that we would continue to grow together in years to come.

It was a year where I learnt to let go when things reach a dead end. I’ve learnt that it would be futile clawing and clutching to things that are no longer yours. Point is, they do not belong and will never belong to you again. By letting go, I found release, and happiness.

It was a year I gained and lost so many things. Some of which are very dear and precious to me.

I guess I never liked 2008 much. All the sadness and grief was simply too much for me to handle.

This year, I am finally turning 20. Soon, I would be saying goodbye to my teenage years. In some ways, I am sad. I’ve grown to dread the coming of my birthday ever since I turned 18. I guess I am just desperate to cling onto whatever that’s left of my childhood. Ironic, because I said it would be futile to cling to things that would no longer be mine.

I cannot help it. When I look deep inside, I find that I still wish I could turn back time and never grow up again.

But certain things are inevitable, just like the arrival of a new year, I would soon be ushering in the arrival of yet another birthday.

Maybe. Just maybe, 2009 would be a better year.

2 thoughts on “2009

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