Infidelity

Okay, let’s discuss something serious today. What are your views on infidelity? How do you even begin to define infidelity?

Does it mean as long as you do not cheat on your partners physically, it would not be classified as infidelity? Then in this case, would virtual relationships not be considered as a form of infidelity?

For me, infidelity has many levels. One does not necessarily have to be sleeping with another person or having a physical relationship with others to be considered as cheating. Emotional betrayal counts just as much as physical betrayal. I, for one, could never tolerate it if my other half engages in a virtual relationship with someone else. That would come as a serious blow because I’d think what was the matter with our relationship that causes my other half to want to seek solace with someone else.

One might argue that cyber relationships are all conducted in the virtual world and therefore would not disrupt the real world. But think, when you engage yourself in a virtual relationship, surely your life would be affected as time passes on. You’d spend more time online, you might even get too emotionally attached to your virtual partner. And what happens then? Can you still honestly say that you’re loyal to your real life partner?

Another form of infidelity is of course, the one where you engage yourself in a physical relationship with another person other than your other half. Most of these people lead double lives, with the third wheel either conscious or unconscious of the other person’s existence. The original other half is of course, usually uninformed.

I wonder why anyone would do something like that. Does it give you a thrill because you were able to fool your partners into thinking that they’re the only one for you? Do you feel the ego boost because you can have two people fawning over you at the same time? Is it more fun to juggle double lives and see how far your lies can stretch?

In some cases, the other half is actually aware of the cheating, yet chooses to turn a blind eye to it. This kind of people baffles me. I could never see the logic or reasoning behind such actions. You are aware that your partner is treating you like a fool and messing around with other people behind your back, but you’d rather ignore it and pretend that everything is fine and dandy. Do you honestly still think that your partner is very much in love with you? Do you think that one day he is just going to wake up and realise that he’s been an asshole all these while and just end the other relationship and come crawling back to you? The naivety!

To be fair, some hang on for the sake of security. They choose to ignore their partner’s cheating ways because they are financially dependent on their other half. If they lose their partner, they lose everything. These are forgivable, but it isn’t something I would do myself. I could never bring myself to pretend that everything is okay when it obviously isn’t.

People who know me will know that I have a rather prominent feminist streak in me. I do not believe in bowing down to men just because they’re stronger or make more money than I do. Feminist I might be, but I still believe in chivalry. But that’s beside the point. The point is, I would never bring myself to submit to someone else just because they are supposedly the stronger sex.

There are just so many things one could debate on about infidelity. I would love to hear your views. What constitute infidelity in your point of view? Are you the type of person who can tolerate such absurdity? Have you ever cheated on your other half? Come, dish!

12 thoughts on “Infidelity

  1. hmmm hmmm so deep so deep
    everybody have their view la. some cant accept some cheat themselves to believe their partner is not cheating.
    For me pulak. No cheating pls. But then, if u say virtual world….there are some situation.
    what ur partner playing online game and have the marriage thing. Marriage get extra stuff. Den they want the extra skills. Considered?

  2. as for me,i will not and never accept the fact that my boy cheat me.Chinese saying,why must only fall in love with one flower where there is alot more out there.As long as i have my hands and legs,i can stand on my own even in financial wise 🙂

  3. @sam: uhhh. cherrie obviously meant the emotional kind of attachment. who gives two fucks when in online games you’re probably marrying a girl character played by a guy. @_@

    i’d love to say i will leave my guy if he cheated on me. saying it right now is pretty easy, but if you’re faced with the reality of it, it’s probably not that easy to let go. there’s the whole but-i-love-him-too-much-to-just-let-him-go thing. sad but true; there are girls out there who are so financially independent and much better off on their own, yet they choose to stand by their cheating man believing lies that he will change.

  4. Sam: It would definitely depend on the situation. I have seen some cases where people start off as mutual friends (married in game) and slowly developed feelings for their virtual partners.

    Apple: I share the same sentiments. However, there are people who hang on because of the fear of losing the familiar person or they just love their other half too much to let go.

    pohnee: There are just so many girls who would do that! They’re so blinded by their so-called love for the guy that they will pretend everything will be okay. Worse of all if the guy is a ‘serial offender’ and the girl just keeps taking him back and forgiving him every single time. To me, that’s just utter stupidity.

  5. Upon Cherries’ request, this is my very first SERIOUS blog comment. It might come of as being harsh, but please feel free to comment further (My sincerest apologies for this extremely lengthy reply):

    Infidelity occurs all around us. Some of us are so blind that we do not see that we are susceptible to it in our everyday lives. Some of us claim that cheating is taboo for us and yet we ourselves often play the infidelity game. This is true. The key to understanding it is to review our personal opinions on the subject matter. For example, Cherrie believes it to be intolerable for a partner to have an emotional bond with a virtual friend regardless if the other party is simply a close friend. Ask yourselves, have you ever given special attention to someone simply because they are cute, beautiful, good looking, courteous, kind? Or simply because they have that quality in them that makes you feel that you can bond with them? Every single one of us can find ourselves facing individuals with traits such as these. If we choose to go forward in building that bond, is it infidelity? This is the million dollar question.

    Feminism on the other hand. Feminism is a belief in the right of women to have political, social, and economic equality with men (Wikipedia). Again dear friends, having debated on this issue a few years back on won by unanymous decision, I will once again ask that you look to your own personal lives. I will not lay a finger on the political or economic aspect of the subject matter for I’m not qualified to do so. I will however focus on the social side. Ladies, have you ever had a guy pick up a tab for you at dinner, push your seat in at the dinner table, carry a heavy load for you, drive you around, pick you up, ask you out and not the other way around, etc etc?? When looking at feminism from a social perspective, men dominate simply because they have been given the pleasure of doing so since the beginning of time by women. My Pendidikan Moral lecturer and I got into a heated debate a few months back when I argued in my presentation that women deserve a chance to lead a country just as much as men. She claimed that women aren’t emotionally stable and are not suitable for the job. Please note that this lecturer also claims to be feminist to a certain extent. To a certain extent?? I call it hypocrisy. Look it up in the dictionary and you will get a clearer picture. (Cherrie held out her plate to me and another co-worker after lunch today and asked us to be gentlemen and clear it for her. Self-contradictory??)

    Girls who stay on with ‘Serial Offenders’?? Guys are also frequent victims of ‘Female Serial Offenders’. On this case, we are even. I could tip the scale by giving absolute examples of how guys are often or more frequently made victims but after my lengthy post above, I’m just going to save it.

    Please reply soon while I’m still in this serious mood of mine. Once I go back to Spartan mode, the nonsense will start pouring. : D

  6. Eh your comment went to the spam folder. Lol. I did say I believe in chivalry. Good ol’ fashion gentlemen. But not those who says “Bah! Females are damn weak!”

    There is a difference.

    Again, this post is not only talking about infidelity on the part of males. I am just writing in a female’s point of view. This post actually applies to both sexes (and to people somewhere in the middle of both if you so wish). I do admit that there are females who would cheat on their partners without a second thought if opportunity presents itself.

    Oh, and on the subject of having an emotional bond with your virtual partners, I cannot stomach it when my other half goes so far as to call the virtual partners dear or darling or some other sort of term of affection. Having a close friend is however, fine seeing that I myself have close friends who are of the opposite gender as well.

  7. Well said Cherrie. I’m considering offering you a position on our future UTAR debate team! I think you would fit well!

    Terms of affection?? Well, it depends on the purpose of the word being used. If used to flirt, then damn the person to hell, but if it is used in a more platonic sense, still wrong?

    Take myself for example, there are people at work calling me darling in a totally platonic way, OR SO I ASSUME! :/

  8. Do I have to speak in a cina accent? I heard some of them do. *bigweteyes*

    And oh, that was so NOT platonic. It’s a darling through and through. As in “darling~~~~~”

    Hmm, do enlighten me on a platonic term of affection?

  9. I get it everyday from our colleagues. “Darling, how long does it take to approve the CashOne loan?”,”Darling, what shift you working tomorrow?”….

    Hehe…. These people are more than 10 years older than me (some married) and have no attraction towards me whatsoever… OR SO I THINK!

  10. well poh nee. What u said I also knew it always happened, So i choose to ask something I’m not very clear of.
    Oh yeah What Jon said is really true. I met that kind of situation too. Obviously they are not interested in me lol cos they are much older/married/coupled/etc. I dont they done smth wrong lol. They are just frenly and open minded.

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