She stood with her fists clenched at her sides, her fingernails dug deep into the flesh of her palm, hard enough to draw blood. Yet, her face was smiling. No one noticed the clenched fists, nor the pain she was feeling, both inside and out.
It was time like this, that she had to resort to digging her nails into her flesh to distract her from the pain that was growing inside her heart. Somehow, the physical pain seemed much more bearable than the emotional pain she was going through.
“It does not hurt, it does not hurt, it does not hurt … ” she told herself repeatedly, as if the pain would just go away if she said it enough.
But it doesn’t. It never did. All it does is just remind her of the pain that is inside, growing perpetually like a monster that threatens to consume her whole.
Watching his fading back, her fists clenched tighter. Repeating the mantra under her breath, she turned away from the scene that was making her insides die away bit by bit. She walked towards her car, eager to seek refuge in the one place she could be alone.
Once inside the safety of her car, only did she uncleched her fists. Her eyes widened momentarily at the blood that was trickling down her palms.
“This time it really did draw blood huh?” she thought to herself rather savagely.
She hated being weak. She hated appearing weak in front of others. And so, she had always kept everything to herself. If it didn’t show on the surface, people wouldn’t know. A little blood on her palm is better than a public breakdown.
It doesn’t matter now, you’re safe in here, no one can hurt you in here, she thought to herself. And with that, she finally started to weep.