Random ramblings

I’m home for the weekend. Feels kinda strange being here. Walked into my room, I see my bedsheets all stripped bare, with pillows and bolsters that feels strange to hug. I still like the feeling of having my own room though. I dread the day that someone would move in to my room in Kampar one day. I know it’s inevitable, but I just don’t know how’d I deal with having a stranger for a room mate. There’d be so many things that I wouldn’t be able to do once someone shifts in with me. I also know that it would be futile to try and negotiate with my parents to let me have the whole room to myself, because according to them, it’s my choice to go to such a far place to study, therefore, I have to bear with the consequences. I have another option though. And that is to shift out to another house, get a single room to myself. But I love my house mates. I don’t think I’d wanna stay in a house full of strangers, cause I’d just be holed in my room all day if that’s the case.

I got my phone back. My old phone. Yes, it survived. My phone can actually swim omfg. I can’t believe it. I think it fell in love with me and simply refused to die so that it could remain with me for eternity wtf. I hate it. I don’t feel happy that I got it back. Yea yea… say I should be more grateful and appreciate my phone whatever. I just got sick of having such a sucky phone that I desperately want a change. I don’t understand my parents’t mentality sometimes. I am paying for it myself, I don’t see why I can’t spend 1k on a phone that’s probably gonna last me for a few years but I can spend several hundreds buying other things that don’t even last that long. I’m sms-ing with my old phone once more… it feels… strange. It used to feel so natural. So… a part of me… But now, I look at it, and I feel kinda alienated from it. Sigh.

Tomorrow is polling day. I’m too young to vote. I see propagandas, I see flyers, I see campaign people, I see emails, everyone is buzzing with things to say about the coming election. Four years ago, I was too young to really understand all that. Four years later, I still am not very clear about all that. I see oppositions slamming the government. I see government slamming the oppositions. You say I’m bad, I say you’re evil. There are some truth in it, and then there are exaggerations. There is no doubt about that. But I don’t know what is the whole truth. I do know that the election is very important, so very important that it will affect our country’s future bla bla bla. I know that. But I feel indifferent. There are so many things that aren’t shown to the public. And we can never be completely sure which side is telling the truth. Yes, I am one of those youths that are heavily criticized by some people. I am apathetic about politics. So sue me.

On a completely different note, I am not going to take part in any competition or talent search or what-so-ever organized by my uni. No, never. I have reasons to believe that they’re mostly rigged. It disappoints me deeply. It is not that I can’t bear to lose, I just enjoy fair competition. A good, clean game is all I ask for. I know that cheating is kinda thrilling and I’ll admit that it is indeed quite appealing, because by cheating, victory is almost always ensured. I was once a cheater. Not anything serious, mind you. I cheated in the occasional Monopoly game when playing with my brother, that sort of thing. Yes, trivial, but the feeling of winning was good. Perhaps that’s why people like to cheat. I just wished they wouldn’t do so. It isn’t fair. But then, nothing ever is, is there?

I have another worry. It’s been a few days now. I can’t divulge what is it. But I feel like it’s killing me inside. If my worries come true, my entire future would literally shatter into a million pieces. And it would be all my stupid fault. I am scared. But I can’t tell anyone at all. I don’t know what can I do. I really am scared.

9 thoughts on “Random ramblings

  1. I don’t know. I just sat down with the first sentence in mind. Then it just came pouring out. My mind works in strange ways sometimes. I mean, most of the time. ._.

    I used to think that was kinda like the unthinkable too. But then I realise the freedom is exhilarating. There are still disadvantages though.

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