I like the silence. I find that I do most of my thinking in the dead of the night because that’s usually when everyone’s asleep in their beds, oblivious to everything else that is happening around them.
My mind would wander everywhere, thinking about all the things that lurked subconsciously at the back of my mind during the day. Today, I got thinking about myself all of a sudden. Things that are happening around me, people in my life, my own thoughts and stuff like that.
Everyone has their own secrets, no matter big or small, they’re still secrets. Those are the things that you can’t tell anyone else in the whole wide world (that’s why they’re called secrets, duh! -.-). I have secrets too. Lots of them in fact. Things that I don’t think I’d be able to tell anyone, not my parents, not my boyfriend, not even my best friend.
There are times when I wanted to blog about my problems, but I refrained from doing so because it might be read by people whom I don’t want them to know. It’s funny, because blogging for me was supposed to be a way to release my pent up emotions, a place to reorganise my thoughts and feelings, a haven, actually. Now, I can’t even blog about things that are too private just in case the wrong people read about them.
I wanted to blog about my thoughts, but as usual, I went OT again. ._.
Back to what I was saying! I went to the mamak stall today and while walking back home, I fell silent. Suddenly, a thought hit me. Are we really that compatible afterall? Truth be told, we’re both very different people. In terms of thinking, lifestyle, things we like… I’d say we have more differences than similarities. People often say opposite attracts. Perhaps that’s the case here.
Now and again, I would wonder, how other people manage to stay in one relationship for such a long time, or even married to each other for the rest of their lives and still remain as in love as ever, never running out of things to say to each other, never get bored of each other’s company, never get sick and tired of the other person’s bad habits and all that.
Sometimes, I fear. I fear that my mind would tell me to let go, to give up when things get tough, when things loses that spark. It has happened before. But I had always manage to push it into the back of my mind again and again. I wonder if one day I’ll listen to that little voice and my head and give in. Or maybe by then, he would be the one who ends it first.
I am afraid of that. I am not being unrealistic. But when I get into a serious relationship, I always hope that it would work. Unfortunately, things don’t always go the way you want them to. I dread the day that would inevitably come, wiping out everything that we ever had. Leaving me with nothing but memories.