Something as special as this… shouldn’t be causing so much resentment.
Efforts to resolve this have all been in vain.
The mind has to wander to be distracted. Otherwise the ugliness surfaces.
But is it really a solution if you turn your face away while it stews and simmers underneath?
I don’t know.
The mind strays.
Maybe it’s not so special after all.
I can be mean. I can be hurtful. I can be sarcastic. I can be a total bitch from hell.
I can and I will. You know why? Cause you brought hell upon yourself, my dear.
I may not be the fittest, strongest, tallest, or fastest in any given day. But sometimes, I’m surprised by how much I can achieve through sheer grit and willpower.
Today, I’ve impressed myself. I made it through an obstacle course that has defeated even grown men. No matter how tough it got, I told myself that I had to do it. Just another step, just another breath. If people can do it, then there’s all the more reason that I can too. A single admission of defeat is all that’s needed to wipe out all your previous progress. And my unwillingness to wipe them out worked to propel me towards the finishing line.
And so, just like that, a pint-sized me managed to come out of the whole thing stronger and better, both physically and mentally.
I’ll wear these battle scars with pride.
Bright burning flames. Blue at the core.
Bright glistening ice. Blue at the core.
Where I’m at? It’s so cold it burns.
Here’s a little life update on what’s happened recently.
SO. MUCH. HAS. CHANGED. GAIZ.
Last year, I left 5 years of corporate life behind me and ventured into a new environment. Little did I know I’d be here today. It has taken me 6 years in the working world to come to this point – A leadership position where I’m leading my very own team. This is a goal I’d set for myself 2 years back. I’m super happy to have achieved it and yet, super afraid of letting myself, my team, and everyone else down should I fail.
Well, looks like I’d just have to toughen up then.
Facebook, Facebook. Connecting you with people you don’t even really wanna be connected to since 2007. Sometimes, some things are best left in the past, never to be brought up again, you know what I mean?
I miss those.
Buckle up ’cause it looks like we’re gonna crash and burn, baybeh. Honestly though, I feel like I’m going insane. Sigh.
Seriously, having my body fall apart at this age is NOT NORMAL. I may be old, but I’m not that old. I need to take better care of myself.
This perpetual backache is really being a downer. Even as I’m lying in bed on my back, it’s still aching.
1. Shitty sitting posture – considering the fact that I spend most of the day sitting on my fat ass at work, my posture could very well be a huge contributing factor to my backache.
2. Spine out of alignment – I’m not the most graceful of creatures. The years of falling down staircases and landing on my bum/spine could have contributed to this long term ache.
3. Weak back muscles – I do next to no exercise. My muscles are close to nonexistent. Maybe my back is straining to keep me upright.
4. I have a ghost straddling my back 24/7 ala Shutter wtf.
Conclusion: I really need a professional opinion and solution to this. You know you’re in trouble when 30 mins of light walking can trigger a backache.
I just wanted to say I’m exhausted. Dead inside.
The easy way out is tempting. But for now, I need to sleep.