I may not be the fittest, strongest, tallest, or fastest in any given day. But sometimes, I’m surprised by how much I can achieve through sheer grit and willpower.
Today, I’ve impressed myself. I made it through an obstacle course that has defeated even grown men. No matter how tough it got, I told myself that I had to do it. Just another step, just another breath. If people can do it, then there’s all the more reason that I can too. A single admission of defeat is all that’s needed to wipe out all your previous progress. And my unwillingness to wipe them out worked to propel me towards the finishing line.
And so, just like that, a pint-sized me managed to come out of the whole thing stronger and better, both physically and mentally.
I’ll wear these battle scars with pride.
Bright burning flames. Blue at the core.
Bright glistening ice. Blue at the core.
Where I’m at? It’s so cold it burns.
Here’s a little life update on what’s happened recently.
SO. MUCH. HAS. CHANGED. GAIZ.
Last year, I left 5 years of corporate life behind me and ventured into a new environment. Little did I know I’d be here today. It has taken me 6 years in the working world to come to this point – A leadership position where I’m leading my very own team. This is a goal I’d set for myself 2 years back. I’m super happy to have achieved it and yet, super afraid of letting myself, my team, and everyone else down should I fail.
Well, looks like I’d just have to toughen up then.
Facebook, Facebook. Connecting you with people you don’t even really wanna be connected to since 2007. Sometimes, some things are best left in the past, never to be brought up again, you know what I mean?
I miss those.
Buckle up ’cause it looks like we’re gonna crash and burn, baybeh. Honestly though, I feel like I’m going insane. Sigh.
Seriously, having my body fall apart at this age is NOT NORMAL. I may be old, but I’m not that old. I need to take better care of myself.
This perpetual backache is really being a downer. Even as I’m lying in bed on my back, it’s still aching.
1. Shitty sitting posture – considering the fact that I spend most of the day sitting on my fat ass at work, my posture could very well be a huge contributing factor to my backache.
2. Spine out of alignment – I’m not the most graceful of creatures. The years of falling down staircases and landing on my bum/spine could have contributed to this long term ache.
3. Weak back muscles – I do next to no exercise. My muscles are close to nonexistent. Maybe my back is straining to keep me upright.
4. I have a ghost straddling my back 24/7 ala Shutter wtf.
Conclusion: I really need a professional opinion and solution to this. You know you’re in trouble when 30 mins of light walking can trigger a backache.
I just wanted to say I’m exhausted. Dead inside.
The easy way out is tempting. But for now, I need to sleep.
They say the first step towards recovery is admittance.
“He: What’s the matter with you?
Nothing was slowly clotting my arteries. Nothing slowly numbing my soul. Caught by nothing, saying nothing, nothingness becomes me. When I am nothing they will say surprised in the way that they are forever surprised, “but there was nothing the matter with her.”
Looks like the rain is a month late.
My personal rain cloud is relentlessly trailing me everywhere, seemingly hell bent on drenching me to the bones.
I’m drowning. And it’s so so cold.
Maybe. Do you like the word maybe? I don’t. I don’t like it. I don’t like the uncertainty in maybe.
People generally don’t like uncertainties. And maybe is a deep dark scary hole filled with uncertainties.
Maybe tomorrow will be a good day. Maybe tomorrow will be a bad day. Maybe tomorrow will be both.
No one is certain about the future. Everything is a big fat maybe. And that’s what I dislike about maybes.
If only I knew for sure. If it’s good, it’s great. If it’s bad, I’d like to prepare for it, thank you very much. But maybe doesn’t let me do so. Maybe will come out of nowhere and smack me in the face.
So yes, I don’t like maybe very much.
It’s been awhile. I’ve not had any inspiration to write, though I do find myself talking to myself a lot more. Especially since my insomnia has seemingly returned over the past couple of days.
Talking to myself has been… therapeutic I guess. When I find the voices in my head getting too loud to bear and I can’t find anyone who can understand the avalanche of thoughts inside my head, I can always find a willing listener in myself. If nothing else, at least it helps distract me from my insomnia.
Writing them down would be practically impossible, seeing it’s mostly just verbal diarrhoea. So the monologue with myself works to get rid of some of the noise inside. Hopefully it will also slow the whirring down long enough so I can fall asleep.
Oh, and my daddy turns 50 today. The big five O! Can you believe it? I need to spend more time with the people I love. Starting with dad.