Web or water?

I can’t tell if it’s a  good thing or not.

On one hand, I’m finally starting to feel like I’m making my way out of the entanglement of one web. A web that I’ve been stuck in for way too long, despite my numerous attempts to escape it. It’s still the early stages, but I feel as if I’m no longer paralysed by the spider’s poison and could think with a clearer head even when the spider is near me, flexing its pincers intimidatingly. I don’t know if this new found resistance is going to last until I fully escape the web, but I sure hope it does. Stumbling into this web has spelled nothing but trouble so far.

On the other hand, I fear I might be waddling into some other equally murky waters. And that I’m not the least bit prepped for it. What if I get in way over my head and drown? This is not a pool of water I usually swim in. In fact, I have not even come in contact with this kind of water before. It’s scary. I wonder if I could use this water to wash off the web and go on my own merry way after drying off? Then both the web and the water would not be threats to me any longer. However, that is only if there are no Loch Ness monsters lurking beneath the surface waiting to drag me down to the pits of hell.

Ah, life and its weird conundrums.

Urgh

The limbo between sleep and wakefulness is awful. Especially when it’s a nap you’re trying to awaken from. It’s like a battle of wills between your eyelids that are trying to remain closed and that weird part of your brain that tells you it’s time to wake up.

Either way, you still feel groggy, awful, and generally like a piece of shit.

Oh, and did I tell you I got into my first car accident today? Someone rear-ended me in near standstill traffic. So that’s fantastic.

End of transmission.

Broga Hill!

Actually, it’s more like my face with a bit of Broga Hill behind so you probably will be in for a lot of disappointment if you want to see nice scenery shots.

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First viewing point! I got cheated and was told this was it. Until I saw another higher point when I finally reached this point. FML. At this point I am the driest person around while surrounded by some very sweaty hikers.

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Nah please enjoy a rare shot without my big face in it cause it’s gonna be rare.

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Apparently hiking is a popular activity. Who knew? Not me, that’s who. I’m the girl who hasn’t worn her sports shoes in more than half a year.

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And up to the peak we go! Here I encountered bees who will not leave me alone. I’m apparently the only one they’re attracted to because they didn’t bother anyone else. FML la I have a paralysing fear of insects.

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While I looked like this on the outside…

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This was how I felt inside wtf.

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When I reached the second viewing point (which I was told yet again that it’s the final point), I saw yet another higher point ahead. Lies! All lies, I tell you!

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Here I am at the peak hiding behind a boulder because the sun is out. This shade of vampire is not a result of standing under hot sun okay.

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So this view is what people hike up the hill for.

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Nah proof I made it to the top. The real top this time. Achievement unlocked. I was told that now I can brag about having conquered Broga Hill. And my response is, “nobody freaking cares”.

No more pictures as I go downhill because I was busy trying not to die.

Photo Dump!

I want to blog but I have no idea what to blog about so I’ll just do a random photo dump and call it a day! #lazyassblogger #tootiredtobother

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I’m an expert at hurting myself. This is a couple minutes after bashing my wrist on the underside of the table a few days ago. There’s still a faint bruise today. I deserve a medal for being a complete klutz. Did I mention I got a paper cut today since the bruise is fading and I apparently decided a new wound is in order?

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While we’re on the topic of wounds, let me show you some love bites I got from mysterious bugs wtf. Yeah, this is how exciting my love life is. #foreveralone #catladytobe #hashtagsdontworkhere

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When you park your car in the outdoor car park and it pours just when you get off work. Speaking of car, can it please stop raining so much already? I really need to get my car washed.

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This person might not need a car wash though. I supposed he could wipe the dirt off with all the toilet paper draped artistically over his car hahaha. I’ve never seen a car actually be tp-ed in real life before. Well, now I have.

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It was daddy’s birthday last week! And I realised cakes in normal bakeries are super expensive… A cake that’s less than 1 kg cuts me back over RM60! I’d rather go for Secret Recipe.

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Look what I found! Saw this in mum’s Facebook and holy mama I looked so different. Maybe it’s just the bad angle? Anyway, this was taken in 2010 during our trip to Hong Kong. Which I… err… blogged about. Kinda. #lazyassblogger

Tough

So… April saw a grand total of 2 posts being published. I clearly have some catching up to do if I intend to keep my  a post a week average going.

And so… Here comes the excuse. Heh. The new job is taking up most of my brain cells’ processing power. I shall not go into details because it’s never wise to talk about things like this in a space so public. And we all know how incredibly Googleable I am…

But suffice to say that I’m still trying to take everything as it comes and keep my head above the waters. Which is frustrating when it seems that the waves are relentlessly trying to drown you. But I’m a fighter. And fighters fight. That’s their nature. In a place where you either sink or swim, I aim to be a duck. Serene looking on the surface but kicking like crazy underneath it all.

When the going gets tough, the tough gets going. So while I will inevitably complain about the state of things, I also intend to stick this out because I cannot give up this easily.

I am good at what I do. This is a fact. What I’m not good at is dealing with ambiguities. This is also a fact. So now I’ve got to learn how to deal with them or learn to clear them up. Easier said than done, but I am tougher than I seem, so I’ll grit my teeth and bear it. And I shall not be defeated so easily. 

Mother fuckers, brace yourselves ’cause Cherrie is coming right at cha.

2008 – 2015

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I never thought this day would come. But it did. Life is truly strange, isn’t it? I’ve learnt it’s better to just let go of things instead of digging in my nails and clinging on shamelessly. After all, why stay when you’re not wanted? Why stay when it’s clear you truly meant nothing? I’ve had enough of being played like a fool. I’ve had enough of waiting while stupid people “try to figure out stuff and get their heads straight”. Yeah, if it’s taking you this long, it’s glaringly obvious some shit is seriously wrong. And I ain’t got time to sit on the side burner while you fiddle around aimlessly. I really ain’t got time for people who say you’re a friend but treats you like a stranger when it suits them.

What do you think I am? A stray dog on the roadside waiting to lap up whatever pitiful little bit of affection you decide to throw my way whenever you’re feeling a bit generous? Yeah, no thanks.

Sometimes the death of something is so quiet, it’s deafening.

Hope

Hope is a dangerous thing.

They say it’s what keeps us going. Without hope, you would lose the drive to move forward. Without hope, you would not be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel simply because you would have lost hope about ever finding your way out of the tunnel.

But flip it to another side of the coin and you’ll see just how dangerous hope can be. If the rainbow ends in the middle of the ocean and you want to reach it from shore, you would keep going towards it, even as you wade deeper in and the waves threaten to pull you under. Because of hope. That silly impossible hope that you will reach the end of the rainbow and find that elusive pot of gold. That silly impossible hope that blinds you to the dangers you have brought upon yourself. And it’s because of that silly impossible hope that you would not realise just how foolish you have been until you are in too deep and become too exhausted to swim back to shore.

Sometimes I tell myself that the pot of gold is nothing but a silly delusion. But the stupid little beacon of hope shines through at the most inopportune moments. And so I find myself wading deeper and deeper into the cold dark bottomless depths of the ocean.

Effort

…That’s all it boils down to sometimes.

You know when you really want something, you would work your ass off for it? And you wouldn’t even think twice about investing time and effort in that something all because you know that it’s what you really want and that when you finally get it, all will be worth it.

Conversely, you put in some half-assed effort (or worse, no effort at all) for some half-assed shit that you can do without.

I believe at the end of the day, the effort you put in reflects on how much you really want that something. After all, why bother when you don’t even really want it enough, right?

6am

It’s now 6am. I just finished a book an hour ago. After starting to read at 2am. Could I have behaved like a normal person and not binge read the whole book in one sitting? Probably. But then again, I have always been about the extremes. As I swing from the extreme highs to the extreme lows, I inevitably knock people who happens to be at the wrong place at the wrong time off their feet. And that results in all parties getting hurt, including myself. At this hour, many people are getting up and getting ready to start their day. And here I lay, exhausted. In bed. Mind racing a hundred miles a minute. Heart aching that strange hollow ache that doesn’t seem to go away even if you ate a whole pint of ice-cream in one sitting. I’m not a Gryffindor. I lack the most distinctive quality, courage. Perhaps I fit in better with the Slytherins. Them with their cunning twisted little minds and the predisposition for doing the wrong things. God knows I’m always doing shit I shouldn’t be doing. Often with no idea as to why I was doing what I was doing. Or knowing that I would hurt someone if I were to do some things. And yet I do it anyway. Why? Maybe I’m a glutton for punishment. Maybe I’m too stupid to not repeat my mistakes. Maybe I’m foolish enough to think that there’s even a slight possibility of having a different outcome when I do the same shit. Brings to mind a certain quote by Einstein. Insane. That would probably explain why I keep doing what I do. My mind is racing faster than I can type. And unfortunately, the lack of sleep is catching up with me. My movements are sluggish. My eyes are drooping. I’m losing track of my thoughts as quickly as they materialise. Incoherent. Unintelligible. Disjointed. Helpless.