Will

I may not be the fittest, strongest, tallest, or fastest in any given day. But sometimes,  I’m surprised by how much I can achieve through sheer grit and willpower. 

Today, I’ve impressed myself. I made it through an obstacle course that has defeated even grown men. No matter how tough it got, I told myself that I had to do it. Just another step, just another breath. If people can do it, then there’s all the more reason that I can too. A single admission of defeat is all that’s needed to wipe out all your previous progress. And my unwillingness to wipe them out worked to propel me towards the finishing line. 

And so, just like that, a pint-sized me managed to come out of the whole thing stronger and better, both physically and mentally. 

I’ll wear these battle scars with pride. 

Update

Here’s a little life update on what’s happened recently.

  • Up up and not yet away

SO. MUCH. HAS. CHANGED. GAIZ.

Last year, I left 5 years of corporate life behind me and ventured into a new environment. Little did I know I’d be here today. It has taken me 6 years in the working world to come to this point – A leadership position where I’m leading my very own team. This is a goal I’d set for myself 2 years back. I’m super happy to have achieved it and yet, super afraid of letting myself, my team, and everyone else down should I fail.

Well, looks like I’d just have to toughen up then.

  • Old times sake

Facebook, Facebook. Connecting you with people you don’t even really wanna be connected to since 2007. Sometimes, some things are best left in the past, never to be brought up again, you know what I mean?

  • Creature comforts

I miss those.

  • We’ve hit turbulence

Buckle up ’cause it looks like we’re gonna crash and burn, baybeh. Honestly though, I feel like I’m going insane. Sigh.

  • Rickety rock

Seriously, having my body fall apart at this age is NOT NORMAL. I may be old, but I’m not that old. I need to take better care of myself.

Feeling old

This perpetual backache is really being a downer. Even as I’m lying in bed on my back, it’s still aching. 

Possible causes:

1. Shitty sitting posture – considering the fact that I spend most of the day sitting on my fat ass at work, my posture could very well be a huge contributing factor to my backache. 

2. Spine out of alignment – I’m not the most graceful of creatures. The years of falling down staircases and landing on my bum/spine could have contributed to this long term ache. 

3. Weak back muscles – I do next to no exercise. My muscles are close to nonexistent. Maybe my back is straining to keep me upright. 

4. I have a ghost straddling my back 24/7 ala Shutter wtf. 

Conclusion: I really need a professional opinion and solution to this. You know you’re in trouble when 30 mins of light walking can trigger a backache. 

Dismay

They say the first step towards recovery is admittance.

 

“He: What’s the matter with you?

Me: Nothing.

Nothing was slowly clotting my arteries. Nothing slowly numbing my soul. Caught by nothing, saying nothing, nothingness becomes me. When I am nothing they will say surprised in the way that they are forever surprised, “but there was nothing the matter with her.”

–Jeanette Winterson