Urgh

The limbo between sleep and wakefulness is awful. Especially when it’s a nap you’re trying to awaken from. It’s like a battle of wills between your eyelids that are trying to remain closed and that weird part of your brain that tells you it’s time to wake up.

Either way, you still feel groggy, awful, and generally like a piece of shit.

Oh, and did I tell you I got into my first car accident today? Someone rear-ended me in near standstill traffic. So that’s fantastic.

End of transmission.

Broga Hill!

Actually, it’s more like my face with a bit of Broga Hill behind so you probably will be in for a lot of disappointment if you want to see nice scenery shots.

image

First viewing point! I got cheated and was told this was it. Until I saw another higher point when I finally reached this point. FML. At this point I am the driest person around while surrounded by some very sweaty hikers.

image

Nah please enjoy a rare shot without my big face in it cause it’s gonna be rare.

image

Apparently hiking is a popular activity. Who knew? Not me, that’s who. I’m the girl who hasn’t worn her sports shoes in more than half a year.

image

And up to the peak we go! Here I encountered bees who will not leave me alone. I’m apparently the only one they’re attracted to because they didn’t bother anyone else. FML la I have a paralysing fear of insects.

image

While I looked like this on the outside…

image

This was how I felt inside wtf.

image

When I reached the second viewing point (which I was told yet again that it’s the final point), I saw yet another higher point ahead. Lies! All lies, I tell you!

image

Here I am at the peak hiding behind a boulder because the sun is out. This shade of vampire is not a result of standing under hot sun okay.

image

So this view is what people hike up the hill for.

image

Nah proof I made it to the top. The real top this time. Achievement unlocked. I was told that now I can brag about having conquered Broga Hill. And my response is, “nobody freaking cares”.

No more pictures as I go downhill because I was busy trying not to die.

Photo Dump!

I want to blog but I have no idea what to blog about so I’ll just do a random photo dump and call it a day! #lazyassblogger #tootiredtobother

image

I’m an expert at hurting myself. This is a couple minutes after bashing my wrist on the underside of the table a few days ago. There’s still a faint bruise today. I deserve a medal for being a complete klutz. Did I mention I got a paper cut today since the bruise is fading and I apparently decided a new wound is in order?

image

While we’re on the topic of wounds, let me show you some love bites I got from mysterious bugs wtf. Yeah, this is how exciting my love life is. #foreveralone #catladytobe #hashtagsdontworkhere

image

When you park your car in the outdoor car park and it pours just when you get off work. Speaking of car, can it please stop raining so much already? I really need to get my car washed.

image

This person might not need a car wash though. I supposed he could wipe the dirt off with all the toilet paper draped artistically over his car hahaha. I’ve never seen a car actually be tp-ed in real life before. Well, now I have.

image

It was daddy’s birthday last week! And I realised cakes in normal bakeries are super expensive… A cake that’s less than 1 kg cuts me back over RM60! I’d rather go for Secret Recipe.

image

Look what I found! Saw this in mum’s Facebook and holy mama I looked so different. Maybe it’s just the bad angle? Anyway, this was taken in 2010 during our trip to Hong Kong. Which I… err… blogged about. Kinda. #lazyassblogger

Tough

So… April saw a grand total of 2 posts being published. I clearly have some catching up to do if I intend to keep my  a post a week average going.

And so… Here comes the excuse. Heh. The new job is taking up most of my brain cells’ processing power. I shall not go into details because it’s never wise to talk about things like this in a space so public. And we all know how incredibly Googleable I am…

But suffice to say that I’m still trying to take everything as it comes and keep my head above the waters. Which is frustrating when it seems that the waves are relentlessly trying to drown you. But I’m a fighter. And fighters fight. That’s their nature. In a place where you either sink or swim, I aim to be a duck. Serene looking on the surface but kicking like crazy underneath it all.

When the going gets tough, the tough gets going. So while I will inevitably complain about the state of things, I also intend to stick this out because I cannot give up this easily.

I am good at what I do. This is a fact. What I’m not good at is dealing with ambiguities. This is also a fact. So now I’ve got to learn how to deal with them or learn to clear them up. Easier said than done, but I am tougher than I seem, so I’ll grit my teeth and bear it. And I shall not be defeated so easily. 

Mother fuckers, brace yourselves ’cause Cherrie is coming right at cha.

2008 – 2015

image

I never thought this day would come. But it did. Life is truly strange, isn’t it? I’ve learnt it’s better to just let go of things instead of digging in my nails and clinging on shamelessly. After all, why stay when you’re not wanted? Why stay when it’s clear you truly meant nothing? I’ve had enough of being played like a fool. I’ve had enough of waiting while stupid people “try to figure out stuff and get their heads straight”. Yeah, if it’s taking you this long, it’s glaringly obvious some shit is seriously wrong. And I ain’t got time to sit on the side burner while you fiddle around aimlessly. I really ain’t got time for people who say you’re a friend but treats you like a stranger when it suits them.

What do you think I am? A stray dog on the roadside waiting to lap up whatever pitiful little bit of affection you decide to throw my way whenever you’re feeling a bit generous? Yeah, no thanks.

Sometimes the death of something is so quiet, it’s deafening.

Hope

Hope is a dangerous thing.

They say it’s what keeps us going. Without hope, you would lose the drive to move forward. Without hope, you would not be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel simply because you would have lost hope about ever finding your way out of the tunnel.

But flip it to another side of the coin and you’ll see just how dangerous hope can be. If the rainbow ends in the middle of the ocean and you want to reach it from shore, you would keep going towards it, even as you wade deeper in and the waves threaten to pull you under. Because of hope. That silly impossible hope that you will reach the end of the rainbow and find that elusive pot of gold. That silly impossible hope that blinds you to the dangers you have brought upon yourself. And it’s because of that silly impossible hope that you would not realise just how foolish you have been until you are in too deep and become too exhausted to swim back to shore.

Sometimes I tell myself that the pot of gold is nothing but a silly delusion. But the stupid little beacon of hope shines through at the most inopportune moments. And so I find myself wading deeper and deeper into the cold dark bottomless depths of the ocean.

Effort

…That’s all it boils down to sometimes.

You know when you really want something, you would work your ass off for it? And you wouldn’t even think twice about investing time and effort in that something all because you know that it’s what you really want and that when you finally get it, all will be worth it.

Conversely, you put in some half-assed effort (or worse, no effort at all) for some half-assed shit that you can do without.

I believe at the end of the day, the effort you put in reflects on how much you really want that something. After all, why bother when you don’t even really want it enough, right?

6am

It’s now 6am. I just finished a book an hour ago. After starting to read at 2am. Could I have behaved like a normal person and not binge read the whole book in one sitting? Probably. But then again, I have always been about the extremes. As I swing from the extreme highs to the extreme lows, I inevitably knock people who happens to be at the wrong place at the wrong time off their feet. And that results in all parties getting hurt, including myself. At this hour, many people are getting up and getting ready to start their day. And here I lay, exhausted. In bed. Mind racing a hundred miles a minute. Heart aching that strange hollow ache that doesn’t seem to go away even if you ate a whole pint of ice-cream in one sitting. I’m not a Gryffindor. I lack the most distinctive quality, courage. Perhaps I fit in better with the Slytherins. Them with their cunning twisted little minds and the predisposition for doing the wrong things. God knows I’m always doing shit I shouldn’t be doing. Often with no idea as to why I was doing what I was doing. Or knowing that I would hurt someone if I were to do some things. And yet I do it anyway. Why? Maybe I’m a glutton for punishment. Maybe I’m too stupid to not repeat my mistakes. Maybe I’m foolish enough to think that there’s even a slight possibility of having a different outcome when I do the same shit. Brings to mind a certain quote by Einstein. Insane. That would probably explain why I keep doing what I do. My mind is racing faster than I can type. And unfortunately, the lack of sleep is catching up with me. My movements are sluggish. My eyes are drooping. I’m losing track of my thoughts as quickly as they materialise. Incoherent. Unintelligible. Disjointed. Helpless.

Who are you?

Ah, back home and time to relax. Long weeks are brutal. Why did I ever sign up for this? I’ll never know. Well, at least I’m home now. Home, where I can veg out in front of my computer alone and eat junk food for the weekend.

What. The. Fuck?

Why are all the lights on? Why is my computer on? Why is there a person sitting in front of my computer laughing at the latest episode of Modern Family which I was going to watch? Why does she have streaks of green in her hair, just like mine? Why does she look exactly like me?!

Wait a minute. Why am I sitting in front of my computer when I am also here standing by the door? What is going on? Is it the stress getting to my head? Am I hallucinating? I must be, right? Even though I’ve never even touched so much as a cigarette in my boring 26 years of existence, I must be having some sort of hallucination, there’s no other explanation for it. Have I finally descended into the pits of lunacy?

Phil Dunphy says something really funny on screen. I laugh. Or should I say, the girl who looks just like me laughs. God, do I sound like that when I laugh? That is not an attractive laugh at all. What do people mean when they say someone has a musical laughter? Mine probably sounds more like a dying cat struggling for breath.

Shit. I’m getting sidetracked. I’m still standing here, seemingly rooted to the ground as I stare at the doppelganger in my chair. Are doppelgangers even real? Why is this happening to me? I just wanted a relaxing weekend by myself. And now, this.

I close my eyes. And then I rub them really hard. To hell with wrinkles, I’ve got a more pressing matter at hand. I open my eyes. Nope, still there, still watching the show intently. It’s like she doesn’t even realise I’m standing 10 feet away from her. Her, me. I don’t know, this is all terribly confusing and more than a little upsetting.

I back away from the doppelganger and slowly shut the door behind me as I step back outside. I need to call someone. I can’t deal with this on my own.

“The number you have dialed cannot be reached. Please try again later.”

“The number you have dialed is out of coverage area. Please try again later.”

Shit. No one is picking up.

I text my best friend, Mel. She lives 8 hours away by plane and is probably fast asleep at this time but I’m desperate.

“I’m freaking out!!! Are you there?!”

No reply.

What do I do, what do I do?

Do I go back in and see if she’s still there? Do I run off somewhere and wait till someone gets back to me? It’s 11pm, where do I even run off to?

Taking a deep breath, I steel myself and walk back towards the house. I’m clenching my keys so tightly they’re sure to leave a mark later. As I push open the door once again, I hear Lily engaged in a banter with Claire. Show’s still playing. And Ms. Doppelganger is still in my chair. Except now she’s no longer watching the show. She’s looking straight at me with a most peculiar expression on her face.

I stand there frozen, my heart is beating so painfully fast in my chest I fear it’s either going to jump out of my throat or just stop altogether. Normally, I fancy myself quite a calm and collected person who’d know not to panic in the face of an emergency. Now I know that all I’d do is just freeze. Impressive, I know.

I swallow in an unsuccessful attempt to wet my suddenly bone dry mouth.

“Who are you?” I croak.

She continues looking at me, giving no indication that she even heard me at all.

“What are you doing here?” I try again.

Again, she sits there staring at me, as if I’m a mildly interesting specimen she came across in the museum. And then, she smiles. And God, it is the scariest thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life. I expected her to look just like me when I smile, a little flash of teeth and the playful crinkling of the eyes. But her eyes are void of any semblance of warmth and in place of teeth, there are these scary looking fangs that look like they could rip my neck wide open.

When she finally speaks, I hear my own voice talking back to me.

“Hi there,” she says.

“What’s going on here?” I ask. If there’s one thing about me, I am persistent. I need answers. I can’t be going crazy. This feels too real to be a product of my imagination.

“I’m here to replace you,” she smiles that freaky smile of hers again.

She takes a small step forward and I don’t bother staying around to hear further explanations.

I bolt. And trust me when I say I’ve never ran so fast in my life. Not even that time in school when I was trying to outrun my crush in a race in order to impress him. Weird logic, but I was a kid so don’t question it. I jump into my car and jam my key into the ignition. Breathing a small sigh of relief as the engine purrs to life, I look into the rear view mirror and watch as she walks almost leisurely towards my car, all the while not wiping that smile of her face. That smile is going to haunt me for an entire lifetime, I’m sure.

I floor the engine, determined to put as much distance between me and that creepy doppelganger as possible. Fumbling with my phone to set my GPS, I try searching for the nearest police station.

“They have guns, they’ll shoot the shit out of that thing if she appears,” I reason with myself as I try to ignore that nagging voice in the back of my mind that wonders if bullets are capable of stopping her.

Just then, my phone rings. I almost cry out in relief as the screen lights up with Mel’s number.

“Oh my God, Mel! I’m so glad you called. I’m so scared right now!” I cry.

What I hear next chilled me to the bones.

“Game over,” I hear my voice on the phone says.

.

.

.

Writing prompt from: http://www.writersdigest.com/prompts/i-think-im-a-clone-now
Tenses are wobbly as a result of not writing for a gazillion years. I’m sorry.